Pigeon Motel

I want to know who’s job it is to design Puzz 3Ds and if he’s killed himself yet.

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:40:47 -0600

I want to know who’s job it is to design Puzz 3Ds and if he’s killed himself yet.

Have you guys ever been so tired that you’ve almost fallen asleep standing up with your feet...

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:40:40 -0600

Have you guys ever been so tired that you’ve almost fallen asleep standing up with your feet in the other guy’s chest cavity?

Argh. Made the mistake of saying “okie dokie” to my mom. Now she’s going to think...

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:40:35 -0600

Argh. Made the mistake of saying “okie dokie” to my mom. Now she’s going to think we’re friends!

Either I’m having a stroke, or someone is washing my hair with Selsun Blue.

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:40:29 -0600

Either I’m having a stroke, or someone is washing my hair with Selsun Blue.

Thought all the kids at the table next to me were really well behaved. Turns out the entire family...

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:40:22 -0600

Thought all the kids at the table next to me were really well behaved. Turns out the entire family is deaf.

It sucks seeing shitty old people driving really nice cars.

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:40:17 -0600

It sucks seeing shitty old people driving really nice cars.

The Girl with the Reagan Tattoo

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:40:06 -0600

The Girl with the Reagan Tattoo

All the cute girls on Chatroulette keep passing me up. Must be on the prowl for wieners or...

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:39:57 -0600

All the cute girls on Chatroulette keep passing me up. Must be on the prowl for wieners or something.

My pants hurt.

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:39:51 -0600

My pants hurt.

“Guys, trust me. This bookshelf idea will totally work.” –Otto Frank

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:38:00 -0600

“Guys, trust me. This bookshelf idea will totally work.” –Otto Frank

Don’t act like you don’t have a preferred nose-picking finger.

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:37:55 -0600

Don’t act like you don’t have a preferred nose-picking finger.

Wish I could grow a fuller mustache, because my herpes is out of control this week.

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:37:48 -0600

Wish I could grow a fuller mustache, because my herpes is out of control this week.

Watching a breast augmentation surgery does not make giant fake boobs any less sexy.

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:37:30 -0600

Watching a breast augmentation surgery does not make giant fake boobs any less sexy.

Pretty bummed that there wasn’t a blooper reel at the end of Schindler’s List.

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 22:36:33 -0600

Pretty bummed that there wasn’t a blooper reel at the end of Schindler’s List.

Does getting spit on by a homeless woman still count as First Base?

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 22:36:17 -0600

Does getting spit on by a homeless woman still count as First Base?

‘Ancient Aliens’ is about as interesting as total bullshit can be.

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 22:36:04 -0600

‘Ancient Aliens’ is about as interesting as total bullshit can be.

I see eye-to-eye with pretty much everyone who is approximately six feet tall.

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 22:35:45 -0600

I see eye-to-eye with pretty much everyone who is approximately six feet tall.

Chocolate malts always taste better through a straw. Just like ox blood.

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 19:39:08 -0600

Chocolate malts always taste better through a straw. Just like ox blood.

Shit. I opened my umbrella indoors and now I have cervical cancer.

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 19:38:59 -0600

Shit. I opened my umbrella indoors and now I have cervical cancer.

“What did the ghost man say to his ghost girlfriend? Give up? ‘Hey, Boo!’…God I...

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 19:38:50 -0600

“What did the ghost man say to his ghost girlfriend? Give up? ‘Hey, Boo!’…God I hate myself.” –Me talking to my reflection this morning