I want to know who’s job it is to design Puzz 3Ds and if he’s killed himself yet.
Have you guys ever been so tired that you’ve almost fallen asleep standing up with your feet in the other guy’s chest cavity?
Argh. Made the mistake of saying “okie dokie” to my mom. Now she’s going to think we’re friends!
Either I’m having a stroke, or someone is washing my hair with Selsun Blue.
Thought all the kids at the table next to me were really well behaved. Turns out the entire family is deaf.
It sucks seeing shitty old people driving really nice cars.
The Girl with the Reagan Tattoo
All the cute girls on Chatroulette keep passing me up. Must be on the prowl for wieners or something.
My pants hurt.
“Guys, trust me. This bookshelf idea will totally work.” –Otto Frank
Don’t act like you don’t have a preferred nose-picking finger.
Wish I could grow a fuller mustache, because my herpes is out of control this week.
Watching a breast augmentation surgery does not make giant fake boobs any less sexy.
Pretty bummed that there wasn’t a blooper reel at the end of Schindler’s List.
Does getting spit on by a homeless woman still count as First Base?
